(dr) molly tov

bombs in bottles

what I really want an "AI agent" to do (MBA Tears edition)

A friend sent this to me this morning:

Derek Thompson thinks his kid and wife are pointless busywork I guess

It's always amazing me how these pro-AI-future guys reveal what they think is pointless busywork through these tweets. "I'll have the AI plan my kid's birthday party and my vacation with my wife! That's pointless bullshit no one has time for!"

LIke many of the commenters on that Bluesky thread, I do not want an "AI agent" to plan my kid's party or my romantic vacation. I want an AI agent to do things that actually benefit me.

Let's pretend for a moment than an "AI agent" could actually do tasks. Let's pretend it can do them without hallucinating or screwing up. To these guys, this world is imminent, so let's humor them.

Give me an "AI agent" that:

• Does AI job interviews for me as I sleep, so I wake up to multiple competing job offers.

• Automatically monitors the end of "free trial periods" for software and streaming subscriptions. When a free trial window ends, the AI cancels the existing account, auto-generates new credentials, and opens a new one for me with a new trial period. I thus have continuous access to my preferred software and streaming services without ever having to pay for them.

• Generates shopping profiles that convince online retailers' "algorithmic pricing" systems to offer me the lowest possible price. For places that use static pricing, my AI agent compares prices across all available alternatives and finds me the lowest price.

• Identifies things it would be cheaper to do myself and offers to help me learn to do them. ("Your kids are eating a lot of cream cheese lately. Did you know you can make it yourself at home in five minutes for a fraction of the cost? I can send you instructions.")

• For things I have to purchase IRL, my AI agent tracks pricing trends and sends me a push notification when prices drop. ("The gas station at the corner of Main and First Streets is likely to drop regular unleaded below $3.00 per gallon after 10 a.m. today. Consider filling up during your lunch break. I will text again at 11:45 to confirm. the lowest gas price within one mile of your job.")

• Negotiates my salary, rent, etc. based on prevailing market conditions - but never in a way that causes me to receive less income or pay more money.

• Automatically switches my health, auto, and home insurance carriers, as well as my cell phone and home Internet providers, based on whoever is offering the lowest rates at any given time.

• When I pay for any tipped service, automatically sends the tip directly to the bank account of the person who served me, bypassing the restaurant/salon/etc. which might otherwise try to sneak a cut. The AI agent can do this for as many people as needed, so I can (for instance) tip my waitstaff, the cleaners, and the cooks without giving the corporation owning the place any of the tip money.

• Monitors online information to give me an automatic profile of the labor and wage conditions at any business I ask it about or visit. Allows me to set minimum expectations for businesses/products ("only show me T-shirts made by garment workers who receive at least $30 USD per hour and health insurance"; "show me only unionized restaurants in this city").

• Tells me whenever it interacts with another AI instead of a human being. Estimates the wages stolen from a human worker by assigning an AI to do that same job.

• Deactivates itself if the power, water, or other resources used to run it exceed certain thresholds.

--

tip jar
email
home